I have spent a lot of the last couple of days pondering my life and how it has gotten me to the point that I am right now. I feel that I have been a devoted member of my church and that I have done my best to become the best person that I can. Over the last year, however, I have been finding myself losing touch of, well, me. Who I was. What I wanted to be. I find myself looking at other people and judging them for their potential mishaps, things of which I will never know to be of certainty. I find myself complaining about the "struggles" in my life and wondering if I will be able to cope with them. I find myself without the desire to "feast upon the words of Christ" which once consumed my every thought. What was happening to me? I was looking at myself and was sickened by what was transpiring. What happened to the happy-go-lucky Mark that defined who I was?
Recently, I have had a couple of very dear friends and family presented with some very difficult hardships. A dear friend of mine in particular who was such a rock in my life, has left what he has known and always known to be true. Another friend of mine had her heart, not just broken, but absolutely demolished by one I would have never expected. Family members going through unspeakable hardships due to the economic downfall, my wife working through some difficult times....and here I sit, in a comfortable home complaining that the bathroom might never be done, about a job that is difficult and so out of my realm, but so stable and able to provide.
It was my week to teach the lesson in Priesthood to the youth, and being annoyed with that fact found myself online preparing for a lesson. I came across this talk by Elder David A. Bednar (http://www.byui.edu/Presentations/Transcripts/EducationWeek/2010_07_30_Bednar.htm). It had nothing to do with what my lesson was on, but the title hit me like ice water....jolting me into a sense of my nothingness. "Who's on the Lord's side Who? Now is the time to show."
I had intended to read it after I got home from church, but Kaylinn had grabbed it thinking it was part of my lesson. I started to read it in Sacrament Meeting and couldn't take my eyes off of it.....it was a talk given for me, and I knew it. This is a quote from the talk that I hope to never forget:
“Every generation has its tests and its chance to stand and prove itself. Would you like to know of one of our toughest tests? Hear the warning words of President Brigham Young, ‘The worst fear I have about this people is that they will get rich in this country, forget God and His people, wax fat, and kick themselves out of the Church and go to hell. This people will stand mobbing, robbing, poverty, and all manner of persecution and be true. But my greatest fear is that they cannot stand wealth.
Ours then seems to be the toughest test of all for the evils are more subtle, more clever. It all seems less menacing and it is harder to detect. While every test of righteousness represents a struggle, this particular test seems like no test at all, no struggle and so could be the most deceiving of all tests.
Do you know what peace and prosperity can do to a people—It can put them to sleep. The Book of Mormon warned us of how [Satan], in the last days, would lead us away carefully down to hell. The Lord has on the earth some potential spiritual giants whom He saved for some six thousand years to help bear off the Kingdom triumphantly, and the devil is trying to put them to sleep. The [adversary] knows that he probably won’t be too successful in getting them to commit many great and malignant sins of commission. So he puts them into a deep sleep, like Gulliver, while he strands them with little sins of omission. And what good is a sleepy, neutralized, lukewarm giant as a leader?
We have too many potential spiritual giants who should be more vigorously lifting their homes, the kingdom, and the country. We have many who feel they are good men [and women], but they need to be good for something—stronger patriarchs, courageous missionaries, valiant [family history and] temple workers, dedicated patriots, devoted quorum members. In short, we must be shaken and awakened from a spiritual snooze”
A message by Brigham Young given over a century ago! At that moment, I realized that I was being lulled away into a spiritual slumber. I looked over at my wife...mesmerized by the beautiful, strong, and worthy woman who sat next to me....and made a commitment right then and there that I would do all in my power to not be a lukewarm husband, friend, and leader. I knew that having potential was not enough. I knew that the Lord has truly blessed me throughout my life, and I didn't want those blessings to be a waste. I encourage all of us to take a good look at who we are and then look at what we need to become. This weekend is the perfect opportunity for all of us to listen carefully to the words of the brethren and begin the journey of fulfilling our true potential.
